Surprise surprise

Some things you should know about France that will clearly delineate the mentality driving this country:

1. Barbers do not exist in Paris. I learned this today from a highly respected authority and must say I'm bowled over. To explain, if you're a dude and you want a haircut, you've got to put up with a chick place. And if you've got a beard, you're fucked, cause the chick places won't trim it up, or shave it into any fun shapes for you. So tant pis for those of the orthodox persuasion, or who fancy the facial hair stylings of A.J. from the Backstreet Boys. I think this is a serious problem. Some boy/girl things should be separate, like bathrooms, and bathhouses, and not so much houses of worship in my opinion...but definitely hairdressing establishments. Also gyms...I freakin hate it when people are working out in an attempt to hook it up with other sweaty patrons. Gross. Lift your damned dumbbells and leave me the fuck alone. Ok so barbers... Barbers are a necessary intermediary in the development of the classic dad-son relationship. In my home town, generations of Hinghamite men are down with Pete the barber. Pete is the person responsible for giving me one of the footholds of emotional security I've had for the last 24 years: no matter what...my Dad's haircut will stay the same. Maybe there will be less hair to cut, but 'the Pete' will be for as long as there is anything fuzzy on my pop's noggin meriting a trim. Where else can Playboys and Maxims been displayed sans souci in Paris? The ball game watched at full blare? Where can you go to get a haircut where the damned hair cutter shuts the fuck up and simply cuts hair instead of gabbing away at you, or asking inane questions whose answer she is only marginally interested in?? How can man-club culture exist sans barbers? Simply, it can't. When I asked about gender separation with regards to hair styling today, my professor responded that in France, there are no barbers because the French aren't segregationist....and all I could think about was how if my brother could have been there, he would have said something totally politically incorrect (and also hilarious) like: "The French don't have barbers because they're wimpy, which explains why all the guys here are girlie-men."
2. In Paris, if you want to buy stamps, you go to the post office. If you want to mail a letter, you go to the post office. Awesome....but if you want to BUY an envelope for said letter....you are shit out of luck. POST OFFICES DON'T SELL ENVELOPES IN FRANCE. WHAT IS THAT? Honestly, if you want an envelope to send a letter anywhere aside from abroad (post offices DO sell envelopes with pre-paid postage to foreign countries...that said...they also have one stamp whose only purpose is to put on plain envelopes being sent abroad...let me know if you sense some systematical redundancy here....) you have to go to a paper goods store. Wow. My teacher also let this one fly today to. I might add that it's not just Americans who find this practice odd...it totally baffles the natives as well.
3. Lastly...if you need passport or green card photos taken in Paris...be prepared to either produce them out of thin air...or go on a wild goose chase until you find the ONE kodak store in the entire city that can offer you this service. Apparently, independent photo processing boutiques have been replaced by a chain electronics/book/dvd/movie store (think radio shack, apple store, and borders all in one). Yet when forming this monopoly, the executives at FNAC decided that no one really needed to have identity photos taken, so the service could be dispensed with.....Add to this dilemma the fact that mostly every Parisian you meet will INSIST that FNAC can develop passport pictures, while every employee at said establishment will vehemently deny the fact. I don't such mind the stubbornness itself as the fact the aforementioned trait makes it difficult for a stranger to offer more than one "helpful" solution. Not the most efficient nation, to be sure. But let it be known, that as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing more glorious than a society where procrastination and perseveration are not so much thorns in the side of "progress", but pathways toward the good life. Vive la France.